Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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