Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
