everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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