If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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