There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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