So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
youre lurking in front of me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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