just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
