OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
