New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
