The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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