it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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