i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Houston, we have a blender
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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