Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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