I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
