can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
