Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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