Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
