is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
