Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
