im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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