I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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