conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
