Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
