There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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