Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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