That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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