; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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