Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
