Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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