in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
