Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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