I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
