We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
