You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
