My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
