You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
