I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We left an ass print on the piano.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
