If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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