the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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