alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
