When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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