Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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