So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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