Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
