im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
