Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
