im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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