Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
