420 ftw
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize