I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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