He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This house was built for laser tag.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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