Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
