Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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