hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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