He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
