So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
