She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
