the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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