Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
