Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
