**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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