I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
