I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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