i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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