why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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