It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I understand Curling. That high.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
