dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
